Is There Such A Thing As The “one”?

is there such a thing as the one,or am i being lied too?

well it’s happened again. I’m back on my Carrie Bradshaw bullshit once more,but without the whole living in new york and being effortless cool thing. 

Im back to spending the majority of my time depressed and exhausted,about the fact im going to end up as the newer version of Bridget Jones but again without the really nice flat in Borough Market. Basically i have to many thoughts and feelings to process anything properly, and im pretty sure the six people i know are sick to death of hearing, about my what im gonna call not “quite a middle aged crisis but it might as well be.” 

So enjoy whatever this is (basically me complaining about dying alone.)

I’m not going to lie I’m pretty sure everyone’s aware of the fact i am a drama queen and i take everything to extremes because this isn’t really that deep,but too me,this is it,this is the final straw,this is the end. I’ve spent the last not even two weeks overanalysing every little detail about my relationships,platonic and not so platonic,and every time i come back to the same question,is there really such a thing as the “one” or is it all just bullshit that we’re told constantly?

We spend the majority of our adult life’s looking and hoping that we find the “one” that it ends up becoming the only thing you care about (probably just me) you put all your focus and hope into finding this one person that’s meant to be your soulmate,but how can it just be one person? there’s 7 billion people in this world so how can there be just one person just for you? IT MAKES ZERO SENSE WHO IS THIS PERSON OR PERSONS.

So out of 7 billion people i truly felt that i had found the “one” like this was it,i wasn’t ever going to have to download Tinder for what feels like the hundredth time,i wasn’t going have to sift though the weirdos and the fuckboys,i had found the person,who didn’t live a million miles away and wasn’t a weirdo fuckboy. (PRAISE THE LORD) He wasn’t going to ask me to be in what i can only assume was a low budget porn film (it’s a long story) but of course it’s me and libs is real good at ruining good things, that she has because she’s a overthinking twat but we knew that already.

Despite spending the past two weeks a crying depressed drunk mess,who’s convinced herself she’s incapable of being in a relationship with anyone nor is she capable of being loved, and listening to A LOT of Frank Ocean,we have now reached stage four of libby’s break up ritual which is a little thing i like to call “Hugh Grant films are bullshit and I’m going to be single forever”. I mean all this consists of me is watching Notting hill at least three times a week, and crying but still it’s a must.

So why are we so obsessed with finding the “one” or more importantly why am i so obsessed with finding the one person that I’m meant to spend the rest of my life with? Which now thinking about is terrifying within itself. Someone has to spend the rest of their life with me? Jesus wept.

It seems even more prominent to me now that I’m not in a relationship the obsession of finding the “one” where do you even start? Do i now have to sift though a whole load of people until i find said one? Does this mean i have to date a hundred people to get to that one person? It just seems like a lot of effort and i don’t really have the time nor energy to do so,did i really believe that this person was the one and that this was it? Was i really in love as much as i day or think i was (i mean at this point I’m like 70% sure i was.)

This has basically been my thought process for  the past two weeks,with some crying and stress eating pasta as a little side. I mean no relationship without it’s problems and arguments. Otherwise everyone would be in a relationship,and when your both so similar aka stubborn it’s hard to keep things a float,I mean would i have preferred to work though it and stayed together?of course who wants to be alone,but I understand why no matter how much it hurts when i think about it,but i get it maybe you shouldn’t date someone who is literally the carbon copy of yourself,because the faults you find within yourself are found within that person too and then it’s all a bit too messy.

I think the two things I’m struggling with the most is accepting that this is it,it’s over we’re done,we’re no longer together,purely because i don’t want to accept and move on,i don’t want this too be it,because then it would be real and i would have to learn how to be without someone again and to be by myself. 

The second being that I’ve lost someone that i valued and still value more than anything,I’ve lost a relationship sure okay, but I’ve also lost a best friend someone who i would talk to about anything and everything (literally) and as much as i love my friends you know all six of them,i don’t really have that with anyone else and that’s what scares me. The fact I’ve now lost that and i don’t think I’m ever going to have it back again. 

I’m also now at that age that i can’t asked to date someone for a couple of months and then break up and find someone else again,it’s too much effort and heartache,i would rather be with someone and stay with them for a while,I’m not even talking like rest of my life I’m literally talking about a year to three years max,because I’m just tired and men just suck.

The only question i need explaining is what is it with people breaking up with me by text? SERIOUSLY WE ARE NOT 12 THIS WAS NOT A TWO DAY HOLDING HANDS JOB.